i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
