Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
my liver is dry heaving
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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