On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
should my penis look like a turkey
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
