I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
