You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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