Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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