Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
