My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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