I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
