remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
