she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
