you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
