I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
