I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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