someone get that fucking seahorse.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
