census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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