So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
