I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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