So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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