My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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