i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
