my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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