Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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