Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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