do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
