I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
