I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
