I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
