Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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