Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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