do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
3pm strippers are depressing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
