white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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