Im at strip club and am horny
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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