Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
