just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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