THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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