im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
