We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
