So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
