creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
