Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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