How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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