that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
