you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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