I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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