we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
