i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
