You're so nebulous sometimes
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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