On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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