I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
