Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize