my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
