guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Are we still banned from the library?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
