If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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