so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
