That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
