WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
