I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
