i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
