Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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