every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize