yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He shit in the fireplace
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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