she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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