Michael Bay diarrhea
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this boner is exhausting
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can I color on your dick again?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize