Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
