Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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