I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
