so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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