Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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