Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
