Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
