Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
