He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
