I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
