let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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