Don't make out with my wife yet
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize