just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize