he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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