I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize